toy toy toy

October 26, 2007

 Taking one swift glance through my second hand PC clothing, my sister vice griped my hand and I was dragged down the street to the toy dress store. Feeling somewhat hopeful (Azri women are fashionable and always look put together) I entered the store, only to have my hopes wickedly dashed. My sister went to a rack and pulled out a short turtleneck leopard print sequined dress and told me that it was ‘the dress’ I would wear. Never one good at hiding shock/disgust, my face was appropriately priceless when I was stammered out a jumble of Azri/English/handgestures to say out loud “No thank you, I don’t really like short dresses.” (Of course I didn’t know how to say anything about the awful print and sequins and decided to go for the easiest thing to communicate) Really, I was thinking: “NO NO NO NO way in bloody hell will I wear a dress that would be rejected by a poor 80’s drag queen, and a desperate hooker, I’ll wear skirts every day, shower once a week, be home at 7pm everyday, not hug my guy, watch Azri Idol, laugh at Russian soaps I don’t understand, be interested in cooking, use dial up net, pretend I think its perfectly normal to never look anyone in the eye, share my room with a rat, be called fat, not yell when someone insults me, and I’ll even promise to NEVER ever flip the bird again, but I WILL NOT WEAR that damm abomination of a dress.” Unfortunately, when telling my fellow PCV’s of my plight, I received no sympathy. K thought I should just sport the dress and make it memorable. S says I’d look smoken shag worthy in an Azri dress. SD says it would make a good show and tell story for my grandchildren, and he can’t imagine me in a dress. R demands pictures to show his friends. M says if I sports the dress he’ll wear an awful tie and thinks it would be hilarious. No one seems to understand the torture; to be forever immortalized in video/photos looking like you were dressing up as a zoo animal for a Halloween party or playboy mansion party and somehow stumbled into a wedding and decided to stay. {“Aww, shucks it looks like my leopard ears fell off again”} As noted, I’m stubborn and duked it out with the Azri women. The end result is after being similarly encouraged to wear a knock off an Elvira dress and a replica of an 80’s prom dress, I barrowed one of Rachel’s dresses. It’s safe and Azri and makes me look not myself. Not the dresses fault, mind you, the dress is great and Rachel has style. But I don’t know how to wear a dress, it’s awkward, and being me just makes it all wrong. *postscript: I did appreciate my sister trying to help in finding a dress, and in no way am I trying to insult Azri style, just point out that its vastly different from American style and I’m hopelessly not up to par…yet…the entire experience was funny and I learned some new words…and if it was not obvious yet, I’m enjoying all things (the search for the dress included) I have experienced thus far. However, I will put my foot down on wearing animal print.*

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