the things i took for granted…

January 31, 2008

 …holiday in November

 Western Toilets – When I first used the bathroom (in the posh condo overlooking the Caspian Sea during Thanksgiving Holiday) I stood looking at the western toilet, not sure if it was an animal, vegetable or mineral.  It took me 5 min to find the flush button. (Alright it was all high sheen blinding white porcelain; they hide the buttons on purpose I swear)

High pressure, Hot Water showers in unlimited supply-Over the same holiday, I took 2 showers each day.  Just for the hell of it and just because I could.  The shiny knobs confused me though, seriously, how was I supposed to know the middle lever thing makes the shower so high pressure I though I’d lose my skin?

Washing machine and dryer-I was under the false impression that I had lost weight in my short time being here.  However, warm jeans fresh out the dryer hugged my legs like grim death and dispelled the slimming notion. (the drying time is usually 2 days when you hang clothes near a gas stove –and risk having them go up in flames-it took 15 min. there is something to be said –tho I’m not sure exactly what-about loud annoying efficiency)  Also, this is probably the best time to mention that I smelled very clean after all my clothing went through a high speed agitation/spin cycle wash. I think it was mountain berry detergent.  Mmmmm J

High Speed Internetglorious. glorious…hours spent talking drains and sewers and Russia and cars and unibrows and London and photography. Ahhh. J  It only took me 10 min to check/read/delete through my IN box instead of the standard 2 hours with dial up.

Apple Pie-For the last 3 or maybe 4 years I was too poor (college and photography and wrecking cars is pricey) and lacked patience to cook and enjoy this lovely dish.  I believe that I ate 5 pieces over Thanksgiving holiday, skipping the healthy things like veggies and pasta salad. It was pig-ish but hey, it was free and made me feel American.

Microwave ovens- These nifty little contraptions can be used for everything from popcorn to heating water to de frosting hunks of nasty meat. At my last apartment in the pretentious ‘burb of Burnsville the pad came with a microwave that also had an alarm clock (you could set it to different time zones, in case for instance, you wanted to de frost your chicken at the same time people in London were sipping tea), radio, rotating plate and roasting rack.  I used it maybe 3 times and that was only when I discovered that my oven hadn’t been hooked up and I was too lazy to call the sketch repair man (he had already fixed my garbage disposal and made my apt reek like piss awful beer for 2 days, he was also attacked by my Ninja Cat Niko so he prolly wouldn’t have shown up anyway…) The point is that I hadn’t realized that it was nice having the ability to heat water in 3 min and could cook dinner in under 10 min. I thought about eating a microwave dinner just for the hell of it…but that didn’t work out (microwave dinners are scary to me) and I settled for reheating my coffee…which came from a real coffee maker. 

Real Coffee from a real coffee maker-Since July 2007 I have been drinking instant coffee. Not the Tasters Choice with lots of Sugar and flavoring (like French Sidewalk Café Latte With Carmel-which is great if you cant get the real deal) but bitter instant coffee that didn’t make the cut for the tasty sugar laden Target stuff.  This is especially hard for me.  Go ahead call me lame (considering all the things I could miss and whing on about) Before I landed her I worked at a semi-Indy Coffee Shop that roasted, and ground their own free trade organic beans, I had fresh brewed black coffee and unlimited espresso at my finger tips; not to mention I made wicked tips by being a smart arse and serving coffee with attitude. (Whatever works, eh?)  Not saying I don’t want to be here kickin it in the AZ. I miss coffee.  Point made.  So over Thanksgiving holiday I drank copious amounts of real coffee resulting in me being tweaked out like a crack junkie going through detox.  There was much happiness.

Also in November:

Ran my little heart out nearly every morning…in spite of the awful ice, random cars driving down the wrong side of the road with no head lights, no sun, fog, pot holes the size of kiddies swimming pools, rabid dogs, confused cows, smashed rats, attacking ducks, rubbish heaps that appear out of nowhere, and old women grumbling, I only bit pavement ONCE and didn’t break anything. Besides the fact that I need running to live (and actually truly love to run, tho according to DS endurance running may not have application to other areas of your life), I’m also sick and Effing tired with Azeri women calling me fat.  Which is simply ridiculous/mean/culturally appropriate on their part, and then I tell them I don’t have to marry an Azeri man and have an intelligent, handsome, rich man back in the states waiting for me and that shuts them up tight, which is ridiculous/mean/culturally appropriate on my part.

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5 Responses to “the things i took for granted…”

  1. Mike said

    “…and have an intelligent, handsome, rich man back in the states waiting for me and that shuts them up tight”. OMG, u know rich ppl?! 🙂

    Sry, k8 lols when I type like taht…

    By the way, there r many other fun things u can do with a microwave – including but not limited 2 “peep jousting” (c Google) and turning compact disks in 2 burnt objects de art.

    These are best experamented with in a microwave that blongs 2 sumone else. 🙂

  2. mcmacdonald said

    LOMG! URSF!

    🙂

  3. siologen said

    Re: Azri women calling you fat.

    They just jelush of the delicious figure your packin, all bustin out in the right places. Remember, having boobs, hips n an arse aint being fat. Its being a woman. ;D

  4. sandrar said

    Hi! I was surfing and found your blog post… nice! I love your blog. 🙂 Cheers! Sandra. R.

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