Jellied Wasps and Horney Chickens

March 4, 2008

Jellied Wasps

I had noticed several dark chunks floating around in the amber colored sugary delight, but assumed they were cloves. And then it happened, a crunchy bit, a bitter taste…and the horror of realizing the dark bits were not cloves but Wasps!!(Or possibly some other flying Azeri insect of doom) I gagged and ran to the trash, but my stupid body (again) wouldn’t puke on command (at this point, 7 months in, I’m convinced my body is waging war against me and would like nothing better then to make me miserable for the next 2 years by refusing to vomit nasssty (that’s for Ds and Siolo) substances that accidentally go down) I was left standing helpless, with dreadful images of evil wasp legs clinging to the insides of my stomach. All of this wouldn’t be so bad, (considering my past tussle with worms) other than upon digging around in the mass of jellied figs on my plate, I discovered damm near an entire hive (complete with more wasps, larva, legs, and wings) floating in suspended animation on the plate. Unfortunately, I had told my host mom that I really liked the jelly (which I did, minus the flying insects) and the next morning she sat me down and commanded me to eat a plate of jelly. It was hard to not eat it when she was watching (I knew there were wasp body parts lurking that had cleverly disguised themselves as cloves) so I tried not to gage and only eat a pin size dollop which only drew attention to the fact that I wasn’t scoping massive quantities of jelly into my mouth with wild abandon, which then offended my host mom, and frustrated me because I don’t know how to say: “I cant eat wasps!!” So to avoid a repeat situation all together, I stopped eating breakfast (for 2 weeks) until the jelly was gone, because every time I’d see a dish of the jellied figs all I could think about was Wasp legs flossing my teeth!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Horney Chickens

The chickens are fascinating, really, the amount that they squawk, mate (almost as frequently as the ROUS’s), run about, squirt (on my shoes), and attack, leads me to believe they lead very busy, if not easy lives. Since my first initial accidental observation of the chickens mating, I have been privileged to witness on no less than 5 occasions, the naughty chickens horney shenanigans. I find this annoyingly hysterical and virtually impossible to avoid/ignore, since they literally wait until I’m looking out the window, or walking to work to start up a scene complete with blood curdling clucking, wing flapping and hopping. At some point in time I shall become scarred for life, but for now, it still sends me into peals of laughter. When considered, I’m sure that admitting that chickens mating is funny, not only discredits myself, but also speaks to some long buried awful sense of humor and paints me to have the maturity level of a 10 year old. I guess, I’m alight with that since I’m making it very public, and that on most occasions, if not laughing at the absurd Chicken Porn, I’d be crying in dismay at how strange my life is

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5 Responses to “Jellied Wasps and Horney Chickens”

  1. Mike said

    I’d be a little worried about your growing voyeuristic tendencies, were I you. (I’d also be wary about using the term “chicken porn”; I have a sneaking suspicion that the Russkies probably produce such a thing.)

    I grew up in a fairly rural area (just a stone’s throw from a farm field, in fact) and I assure you, horny chickens are nothing compared to, say, cows, or horses – but nothing is as funny as two hedgehogs mating. (Holy horny ball of spiky death, Batman!)

    I received your collection of letters last week, and a(nother) package is on it’s way to “The AZ” to you.

    So… how about that tyrannical dictator over in Alabama, eh?

  2. Kate said

    Ewwww, jellied wasps. Blech. Speaking of, did I tell you I got stung 5 times by wasps last September on the bluff near West Kitts? Dude! Pain! It’s a whole different ballgame from the sting of a bumblebee.

  3. mcmacdonald said

    OUCH!!!!! the only thing i remember as being icky about West Kitts was the thorns and stickers that were in your hair for weeks on end 😦
    awww, that does sound painful, i’m glad tho that you didnt react to the stings like you did to pistachios (sp?) :-s

  4. mcmacdonald said

    (Holy horny ball of spiky death, Batman!)
    AH HA HA HA HA
    🙂

  5. siologen said

    Hmm, everyone laughs at things rogering each other. I found myself giggling like a schoolgirl, choking the sounds back by placing my fist in my mouth when i accidentally walked into my friends little apartment to find them engaged in some good old flesh frictioning on their sofa. They didnt see me n i was thusly left with the moral dilemma of whether or not to stay n watch (erm, yes, i did actually just admit that) or leave them to it n wait outside. In the end, the risk of my cackling being heard made the decision for me.

    I never eat breakfast, as my gag reflex is usually too well primed first thing (read 5am) in the morning. It also means i can only brush my teeth before bed as sticking a tooth brush in my gob straight after waking up, usually ends with a clogged sink full of chunder.

    So dont worry eh… 😀

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