Eeleet Cr@sherz reprezent!

November 27, 2008

    It started at 11am in the morning… after 5 hours of hair spray, several gallons of mousse, 4 bottles of nail polish, spray on glitter, 2 pounds of foundation, 2 tubes of hair glue, a million bobby pins, 3 heads of teased hair, half a dozen pictures and various other atrocities committed against hair, skin and nails, at last it was finished. 

In summary, I looked like a cross between a cheap 80’s hooker and a confused 40 year old who though she was an Animie character (with a hair style the girl assured me was called ‘Italian’) and sitemate looked like she had spent 1 week in a wind tunnel teasing her hair.  The application of bright blue eyeliner only added to the tacky awesomeness and toped off our toy (wedding) costumes with a flourish.

With such a grand way of starting the day, I, the sitemate and the rather confused (tho very chill) noobs should have expected an eventful evening.  With 5 of us piled in the car, en-route to toy fun, the conversation commenced as follows.


Me: What toy palace are we going to? Nur?

Sitemate (SM): I forgot the invite, I think its Golustan

Me: Are you sure? I think it was Nur. I lost my invite during one if my 3 house moves, dammit.

SM: No, I’m sure its Golustan (gives driver directions to Golustan)

Me: Ok there is a toy here, maybe this is it…


We enter the building, 5 Americans pausing as we walk through the door:

SM: I don’t have my glasses, who is the bride?

Me:  (squinting across a room of 200 people to a bride and groom seated at a table piled with cake, drinks, food and a hideous fake flower arrangement) I can see the bride I think its Vuslia…Hair looks the same. *shrug* Must be her.

     (Note that toy fashions go in massive waves, when a hair style/dress/lime green eye shadow is IN, its  IN baby and you wouldn’t even think of wearing something different-a fact I, with my varied and vast toy experience, should have know, but due to hair spray fumes and slamming an entire bottle of fermented grape juice, entirely forgot)


At this point, the room has fallen silent, 200 pairs of eyes are looking at 5 very conspicuous Americas (Poofy hair/electric blue dress combo is rather hard to miss) huddled at the front of the room. The groom’s father pauses mid toast, the video camera turns towards us with frightening precision…


Me: Move just find a table and sit, we’re fucked we just interrupted the groom’s father’s toast.


With the grace of a stampede of pregnant cows rushing to feed, we found the nearest table, and slid into chairs, hoping that music would save us from further notice…and then…upon closer look at the not so happy couple…


Me: Oh.  Fuck.

SM: Oh no, oh noooo…that’s not Vuslia’s goom…

Me: We’re at the wrong toy, oh fuck this is awesome! We have to leave NOW!

SM: What do we do? We have to leave.

Me: We just toy crashed! Hell yea!! *ahem* Abort! Leave now, don’t make eye contact and pray the video camera doesn’t zoom.

SM: Ok, lets all get up at the same time…

Me: 123…45678 GO!!!


Less than 2 min after silencing the entire room with a grand entrance, us 5 Americans, walked down the center of the room,

chins tucked,

200 people watched silently,

grooms father froze mid way to mouth with a vodka shot,

music stopped,

the only noise our pathetic attempts to stifle laughter/cusses as an unforgiving video camera zoomed in and recorded for posterity our walk of shame and bumbling exit.


3 Responses to “Eeleet Cr@sherz reprezent!”

  1. Kate said

    Oh my gosh, your stories make me laugh. You must post a picture of you girls all dolled up.

  2. siologen said

    Whats all this ‘toy’ business mean?

    Yeah, like Kate said, post photos!

  3. mcmacdonald said

    laughter = right choice!
    Toy is Azeri for wedding and is open season for hair, makeup, dress, dance, food… its a trip, usually at least one guest makes a go at bringing back the 80’s prom look. so touching, it brings tears to my eyes.

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