February 29, 2008

February 28, 2008


never fails to make me laugh:

February 25, 2008

80’s hair, skanky chocolate bars, boxes of Barf and….

 The Streets:

Fit But You Know it

Excuse me girl
I know it’s a bit embarrassing but
I just noticed some tan lines
On your shirt

See I reckon you’re about an 8 or a 9,
Maybe even 9 and a half in four beers time.
That blue top shop top you’ve got on IS nice,
Bit too much fake tan though – but yeah you score high.

But there’s just one little thing that really really,
Really really annoying me about you you see,
Yeah yeah like I said you are really fit
But my gosh don’t you just know it

I’m not trying to pull you
Even though I would like to
I think you are really fit
You’re fit But my gosh don’t you know it

So when I looked at you standing there with your hoard,
I was waiting in the queue looking at the board
Wondering whether to have a Burger or chips
Or what the shrapnel in my back pocket could afford
When I noticed out the corner of my eye
Looking toward my direction
Your eyes locked onto my course
I couldn’t concentrate on what I wanted to order,
Which cost me my place in the queue I waited for YEAH

Whoa! Leave it out
Are you smoking crack or something?
Leave it Out
Mike just leave it just leave it
We cannot have that behaviour in this establishment
S’not worth it mike, just leave it
Don’t Touch Me, S’not Worth It
Don’t Touch Me, D, Look I’m Alright
Don’t Touch me

For a while there I was thinking – yeah but what if?
Picturing myself pulling with bare white hot wit
Snaring you as you were standing there opposite
Whether or not you knew it I swear you didn’t tick
And when that bloke in the white behind us lot queuing
Was clocking onto you too yeah I had to admit
That yeah yeah you are fit,
And yeah I do want it,
But I stop sharking for a minute to get chips and drinks

Oy, just as you started to make your big advance

With the milkshake and that little donut in hand
I was like nah, I can’t, even though you look grand
But you look sharp there smiling hard suggesting and
Gleaming away with your hearty hearty looking tan
But I admit the next bit was spanner to my plan
You walked towards my path but just brushed right past
And into the arms of that fucking white shirted man

What do I give a fuck.. I’ve got a girlfirend anyway
(whoa, we’ve all had a drink mate)
We’re all a bit drunk, yeah we’ve had a few fair play
I got this stella I bombed from that last café
This nights not even begun, yes yes oh yay

I did fancy you a bit though yeah I must say
I would rather I hadn’t mugged myself on display
But this is just another case of female stopping play
On otherwise a total result of a holiday

…becasue I agree that sex, gender and relationships need to be discussed more openly…

however…I’m curious to see if she/he truly has a well thought out opinion…I wonder how long she can ride on her shock value? By saying that: ‘If you were to ask me, I would say that marriage is unnatural and causes most of the problems in married people’s lives..”  I wonder if she/he is truly trying to start dialogue or just wants a pulpit for her opinion and bitterness towards the establishment?….and when you think about it, isn’t that what most talk shows are anyway?

December: Iki

February 14, 2008

My holiday started out with me looking up mid motorcycle/moon boot zip up to see the chickens mating in my yard.  Fascinated in a ‘its so strange/weird/awful/wretched/awkward/funny that you cant look away’ way I remained transfixed for a good 30 seconds until my host sister walked out the front door and collided with my bent over ‘battery’ (my host sisters way of saying ‘Butt’) and nearly caused me to tumble down 5 steps to the yard.  Not sure if this was a sign of things to happen, or simply the naughty chicken’s way of saying goodbye, (either one being rather disturbing if you think about it) I finished zipping my boots and made all sorts of haste to the Avtovaqzal.  Safely on my bus to modern Baku, I was suddenly struck by the thought “Chickens hop when mating, weird, weird, WEIRD!!!!’ and then I laughed.


Considering the start, my holiday was free of anything abnormally strange.

I spent a nice Christmas Eve with Matt, and drank bubbly adult beverages.  Christmas was a combination of sadness (which I couldn’t explain then, I don’t want to be back in MN and want to be here, why be sad?  But which in retro was simply me missing the atmosphere of spending the holidays with my family and friends and not being on display) and joy (having a family in all of AZ5).  Christmas morning I sat with Matt in a coffee shop watching Baku residents stroll by (I’m perfectly fine with sounding cliché since that’s exactly what we did, and saying: ‘We reposed on sofas while imbibing warm café lattes while observing the diverse populace of Baku meander their way to various destinations’ sounds even worse) and then in the afternoon I was with Katie Amazing in an Azeri salon.  After much talking, a bit of yelling, and the help of Shams via mobile, both Katie and I were able to convey what we desired for our lovely locks.  I had red RED streaks put in my hair and Katie chose a combination of brown, blond and a bit of copper.  The color was simply gorgeous, however, while Azeri salons may have the hair dye down, (I have never seen so many shades of red) they are sadly stuck in BIG 80’s hair (think Metallica, Guns and Roses) when it comes to trimming ones mane.  I think the cut Katie received could be worked with; she however, was not convinced, voicing something about ‘layers all over and a long euro trash mullet.’  Christmas night was spent in the hotel lounge with the rest of AZ5, we listened to Christmas music, drank champagne, exchanged gifts, ate (real) pizza and generally acted like Americans far away from home who are letting their hair down a bit.


In all, showering (mostly) every day, being warm, talking with American Friends in English, and having time to think was so wonderful, I didn’t have time to be down and enjoyed the time to be/act myself/relax which included but was not limited to the following: talking with Donny about books,(Three Cups of Tea  is required reading for those of you who understand there is a purpose to your life beyond making money to buy things) cooking Mexican food with Maria, Kat and I smooching Ram, watching Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom with Steve (and having Ram insert random facts about Indians), defending Coffee against Tea, wearing my favorite skull shirt (I look hot, alright.), talking with Siologen about drains, sending champagne influenced text messages to everyone at Azeri New Years, getting nasty sick in a Taxi, dancing with Mariko, winning the Horseradish Mustard Eating Contest, opening Christmas Boxes with Katie Amazing, hugging Joe (and providing band-aids)and sleeping as little as possible.

more political opinion…

February 13, 2008

I am quite fascinated by the current race, and more interested than I ever was before in politics, which shows that I was quite apathetic  before, and while I probably don’t understand much presently, at least I’m paying attention.  I don’t necessarily agree with the opinion piece, it is just an opinion, but I do appreciate view points that provoke thought…

…to announce that I received a glorious package at the Poct yesterday.

Inside the huge box were a Coffee Maker (I can set it to brew while I’m running so when I return there is a steamy cup waiting) and Coffee Grinder (which is also a spice grinder with a retractable cord, and settings for espresso/french press/drip brew) with a pound of Costa Rica Beans…all of this joyfulness was a gift from my wonderful, stellar brother Rob, who besides sporting a mowhawk, also just got his black belt in Kung Fu (he had to kick a lot of arse), can speak Japanese, watches “The Venture Brothers” and last but not least, is one of the smartest people I know.  Really.


February 7, 2008

portraits and art and fine photography; Mr. Penn’s work is some of my favorite photography

To Contrast: Mr. Penn I give you Mr.Ray:

For me the difference is that while Penn tried first to show the subject’s personality, while making a social/political statement, Ray was foremost concerned about how to manipulate the human figure to express his version of reality and in the process the personality of his subject came through.

December Retro

February 4, 2008


Was characterized by a general overall feeling of tiredness/depression/frustration/numbing stupidity/helplessness and tunnel vision.  And generally overall, many of those feelings could have been avoided or dealt with appropriately, but being me, I of course insisted on going about the ‘dealing with it process’ in the most awkward way, which generally overall meant that I found myself mad at/cursing out/grumbling about (in no particular order): the ATM(across from my house), my computer (which is the nicest computer in a 10 mile radius), my then boyfriend (who gave me a print for my wall)  my host family (who ‘allows’ me to run in the morning and calls me fat), my mobile (that has one ring tone of Turkish/reggie/pop/techno and 2 choices for volume: uber high/silent-neither one really works if you want to be woken up nicely, which I did since I was running in the morning), the chickens (who materialize out of air to harass me when I have to tinkle at 2 am), the rats (they make appearances in my yard to spite me and have figured out that’s more devious to let me fall asleep and THEN wake me up at 3am with a rat bowling match/dance party/row)and various inanimate objects such as; pens, chairs, light bulbs(FYI they have a life span of 3 days) cameras, my computer (again), rubbish heaps, and finally, I believe the phrase “Bloody damm nasty pain in the arse slushy f—king mud” was uttered over a dozen times and usually at a high volume in public places.

 Yes, that was childish behavior, and while it didn’t really do anything to make things tops, it did help expand my ability to cuss and in the process no animals or humans were hurt.  I did however, briefly contemplated setting the large Rat Trap that I received in a Christmas Box of Happiness from Katie/Dan/Brian.  But…upon further consideration I realized that due to the chicken’s earth shattering intelligence, my trap would be more likely to attract the foul than the rodent quadrupeds because the trap would be placed on the ground and everywhere the rats go, the chickens get there first, (if only I could get them to eat each other) and while I could care less about a few chickens kicking it before their scheduled butcher time, I’m not really enthused about tidying up mangled chicken bits.  Additionally, while I am ‘allowed’ to run in the morning, I am not ‘allowed’ to set the trap.  Yes, that logic hurts the gray mater in between my ears as well.

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